找到那把刷子/Find that brush

距离星巴克平安夜 special 关门还有约 1 个小时,看看能不能把酝酿了两天的这篇博文写一写。
It's about an hour before Starbucks Christmas Eve special closing time. Let's see if I can write this blog post that has been brewing in my mind for two days.

注意:搞笑,偏执狂,滥用括号,乱七八糟的童年回忆
Warnings: funny, paranoid, abuse of brackets, messy childhood memories



我算是拖延症里面比较严重的那种。虽然被学生的身份逼着完成了很多事情,然而一拖拖了好几年的任务也不是没有,做了个开头然后拖了几个星期几个月再继续的就更多了。小到每天的生活:我极其,极其拖延晚间洗漱。
I am at the extreme end of procrastination spectrum. Although I was forced to complete a lot of things as a student, there are tasks under delay for several years, and even more that I had done the beginnings, and nothing further for weeks or months. Down to day-to-day scenarios: I am extremely, extremely prone to procrastinating at night wash-ups.

作为一个标准东亚人,我习惯睡前洗澡,但困意常有,澡意不常有(意思是没有)。 明明任务告一段落了可以睡觉了,却因为不想去洗澡而继续磨磨蹭蹭干点别的杂事,然后一不小心就跳进了兔子洞里,再一抬头已经是两小时后。再加上我向来入睡困难,一旦开始拖延洗澡,正常睡觉几乎是不可能的事情。
成功「去」洗澡后,更大的问题是「洗澡」本身。首先,我一直被魇在「洗不干净污渍」和「洗不干净泡沫残留」的两难中;其次,用手搓不干净,用毛巾每天没法彻底晾干会长霉(任何东西一天之内晾不干是南方人痛苦的集体记忆)(国内的家里是没有烘干机的,我亲眼看着长辈的洗脸毛巾颜色越来越不对劲,从此发誓毛巾只可用来擦干)。高中住校的时候每天很早熄灯,大家都抢着洗澡;一进大学宿舍,我就开始被洗澡问题困扰。
As a typical East Asian, I am used to taking shower before bed. However, sleepiness exists, but  taking-showeriness usually does not (which means never). Everytime when tasks for the day came to an end and I am supposed to sleep, I continued to poke around because I don't want to take my shower, and jump into some rabbit holes and find out it's been two hours. In addition, I always have difficulty falling asleep, so once I start to delay taking the shower, it is almost impossible to sleep at any "normal" time.
After successfully going to take a shower, the bigger problem is showering. First of all, I have been stuck in the dilemma of "not able to wash clean" and "not able to remove foam residue". Second, it's never sufficient to shower just by hand, but it is impossible to dry a towel so that it won't mould. (Painful collective memory of Chinese southerners: it is never possible to dry anything in a day.) (There is no dryer back at my home in China. I witnessed  the colour of my family's face towel getting more and more weird, and sweared to myself that towel could only be used to wipe for drying.) My high school was residential, and the lights were turned off early everyday, so everyone used to rush to their showers. As soon as I moved into my university dormitory, I started to have issues with showering.

刷牙也是一样,最大的问题是牙膏、牙刷、牙杯永远无法优雅地跟水槽并存。我小时候家里有几个大牙杯,手柄是中空的,刚好能放一支牙刷,然而底下的出水孔很容易被牙刷柄堵住,而且牙杯就放在洗澡的花洒头旁边,根本一洗澡就变成试管,结果每个人的牙刷柄最底下和牙杯柄里面都是有一点点发霉的。而且我非常闲不住(我一直怀疑自己有一点点多动症),刷牙三分钟内手在振动,头在振动,什么都干不了,简直是地狱般的折磨。
The same is true for teeth brushing. My biggest problem was that the toothpaste, the toothbrush, and the toothbrush cup could never coexist elegantly with the sink. When I was a kid, we had a few huge toothbrush mugs with hollow handles, so I could fit a toothbrush inside. However, the outlet hole for water in the mug handle was easily blocked by the toothbrush handle, and they were placed beside the shower head in the bath, so the handles were effectively test tubes. As a result, everyone's toothbrush handles and the end of the mug handles were a little moulded. What's worst is that my brain can't idle (I always suspected that I have mild ADHD), so when brushing teeth, my hands and my head were all shaking for three whole minutes, and I could do nothing else. It felt like in hell.

改善了我的刷牙状况的,一开始是电动牙刷。不用的时候放在充电座上,刷头拿下来放在旁边或者松松地挂在马达棍子上,晾干特快。而且刷牙的时候手是匀速运动,费的力气可以忽略不计,这时候在镜子前面放一个 iPad,戴上蓝牙耳机,打开视频或者播客,就可以忘记自己在刷牙了,甚至可以无缝从刚才正在干的事情转移过来,啊,生活。
然后一年前来德国的时候,发现了立式牙膏(!)这种东西,从此牙膏管及其相关的所有问题都消失了,消失了,啊,生活。
What improved my tooth brushing situation initially was the electric toothbrush. When not in use, I can just place it on the charging stand, take off its head and put it aside or hang it loosely on the motor stick. Super fast to dry. And when brushing my teeth, my hands are making a (almost) uniform motion, and the effort is negligible. At this time, I might as well put an iPad in front of the mirror, wear a pair of Bluetooth earphones, open a video or a podcast, and  forget the fact that I am brushing my teeth. I can even seamlessly transit from what I was doing to brushing teeth. Ah, life.
Then when I came to Germany a year ago, I found this thing of vertical toothpaste (!). From then on, all the toothpaste tube and problems related to it disappeared. Disappeared. Ah, life.

说回洗澡。我至今还没有解决没法「去」洗澡的问题,也许一副完全防水的耳机能够起点作用(我试了一个月换成早上洗澡,然而头发晾不干是小事,在有早课的情况下再早起半个小时就为了洗澡恕在下真的做不到)(对我就是懒得用吹风机)。然而一旦我把自己的脚挪进了浴室,我能够无脑地完成洗澡这个任务了,多亏了另外一把刷子:浴刷。
之前好像已经推荐过了,然而我必须重复强调:直到在日本逛无印的时候,我都不知道世界上有这么一个神奇的东西。 浴刷,尤其是:长柄能搓到后背的、纯人造材质的、用去水垢泡沫一喷就能清理一新的、浴刷。现在我的洗澡步骤是:(捆着头发)开水,洗脸,用刷子蘸沐浴液刷全身包括脚底,拆头发,洗头发,关水,随便擦一下头发,捆头发,擦身体,穿睡衣。快捷,完美,啊,生活。生活!
目前已经有 1 位北京来的朋友听信我的谗言,发现了浴刷的好。希望大家都来用浴刷,the superior way to shower。
Back to shower. I haven’t solved my problem of not being able to go to take a shower. Maybe a pair of waterproof earphones can be useful. (I tried a month to take the shower in the morning. It's not a problem that my hair doesn't dry, it is a problem that I had to wake up half an hour earlier just for shower when I have early classes in the morning.) (Yean, I just can't bother to use a hair dryer.) However, once I move my feet into the bathroom, the task of showering become a no-brainer, thanks to another brush: a bath brush.
I have recommended it before, but I must say it again: I didn't know that there was such a magical magical thing in the world until I wandered in Muji in Japan. Bath brushes, in particular: made out of pure artificial material, with long handles that can reach my back, and can be cleaned up like Scourgify with a spray of descaling foam. Now my showering routine is: (hair tied), turn on water, wash face, dip the brush with shower gel and brush the whole body including soles, untie hair, wash hair, turn off, wipe hair, tie hair, wipe body, and wear pajamas. Fast, perfect. Ah, life. Life!
Up til today, one (1) friend from Beijing has listened to my gibberish and found the goodness of the bath brush. Everyone, please, come and use the bath brush, the superior way to shower.

这篇文章告诉我们一个什么道理呢?如果你不是拖延症的话,恭喜贺喜,千万保持。圣诞快乐。
What is the moral of this article? If you are not a procrastinator, congratulations, keep it going. Merry Christmas.

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